“Men tell us we’re too bitchy sometimes. That must be the maternal instinct coming out.”
“My friend’s mother-in-law climbed the ladder in the military: she moved up to serpent-major.”
“Homeopathy works: it is scientifically proven that you have to be an asshole to fight assholes. (allopathic dose recommended)”
“It’s better to piss many people off than being liked by many pissants.”
“It’s okay for boys to see a whore sometimes: you have to visit your mother from time to time.”
“A friend of mine’s wife is impossible at night. Because during the morning she sleeps.”
“You should never wish death to a mother-in-law that busts the balls all day: she could become a ghost and bust the balls all night.”
With the fourth volume, Brianna’s “afoolisms” turn naughty, very naughty, actually definitely evil. The targeted people in this book are all those who bust our balls, or our ovaries, depending on gender, and obviously, all sons and daughters of bitches too, with all due respect to sex workers, who do a good deed by doing a job that is dangerous as much as despised.
Brianna summarizes everything as follows (pardon my French):
“When you’re dealing with an asshole there are only two possibilities: either you slap him, or you jerk him around.”
Since the author rejects all forms of violence, we are left with only one possibility.
Elisabeth V.A. was born on the 25th of July in an undefined year in the second half of the 80s, in an undefined country between the Alps and the North Pole.
Precision and geography have never been her strength.
She talks about herself in third person because she isn’t quite herself.
Attracted by the fashion world like many other girls, as soon as she arrived in Milan she went to a model agency, whose fashion designer was not gay enough, and after her first runway she run away.
Afterwards she worked in advertising as a copyrider, then she moved on because it wasn’t the best track for her.
After eighteen months of precarious employment in the Italian public administration she felt the need to enroll in Psychology, although perhaps Psychiatry would have been more appropriate.
One mid-winter night she noticed that a broken boiler starts working again if you insert the plug in the opposite direction.
She applied the same principle and after a failed experience of creative cooking and traditional writing, she reversed the polarities: since then she got into traditional cooking and creative writing.
She won the “Dumbest Self Marketing in the World” International Award.
Since she hates to show off, she founded the Absentialist Club, of which the publisher, graphic designer and webmaster are full members.
In line with the spirit of the Club, the volumes she has published are obviously absent from the shelves of the major bookstores in the world.
She loves Italian food (well, you can’t always be original…), downtempo/trip-hop music, satire, satyrs (if they existed…) and serious people, those who never take themselves too seriously.
She hates everything that is straitlaced (except for laced coffee), she can’t stand nuisance, especially public nuisance: the term includes TV, social networks, department store’s music, politics, gossip, compulsive stalkers, obsessive whatsappers, mass-producers of fake news, haters, and those who have nothing to say but they say it anyway.