Love me two-timers

“Men are like rivers: they often end up in several beds.”
“I am not jealous. Signed, sealed, delivered. To the city morgue.”
“Some girls like the tough guy. The problem is often he’s tough everywhere except for where he should be.”
“Love is a great drug: the problem is the side affects.”
“Both marriage and divorce can be a pain in the ass, but the latter is more limited over time.”
“If the first husband is a problem, the second one is a problem, and the third one too, then the mother-in-law is the mother of all problems.”
“My ex always told me I was exaggerating everything. He wasn’t exaggerating at all, not even where he needed to be.”

Dear boy,
you hurt me, but I don’t hate you. I love you despite everything, because when we met the only thing that mattered was the two of us: the two-timed and the two-timer.
I know that even if you look like a god, you are just a sucker, but I also know, as I wrote, that a sucker like me will never become a lesbian: she will always be attracted by the opposite sucker.
Since you helped me a lot lose my mind, I dedicate these “afoolisms” to you, wishing that one day you’ll be a little more grown, not only in terms of age.
I am looking forward to cheating from you,

Elisabeth V.A. was born on the 25th of July in an undefined year in the second half of the 80s, in an undefined country between the Alps and the North Pole.
Precision and geography have never been her strength.
She talks about herself in third person because she isn’t quite herself.
Attracted by the fashion world like many other girls, as soon as she arrived in Milan she went to a model agency, whose fashion designer was not gay enough, and after her first runway she run away.
Afterwards she worked in advertising as a copyrider, then she moved on because it wasn’t the best track for her.
After eighteen months of precarious employment in the Italian public administration she felt the need to enroll in Psychology, although perhaps Psychiatry would have been more appropriate.
One mid-winter night she noticed that a broken boiler starts working again if you insert the plug in the opposite direction.
She applied the same principle and after a failed experience of creative cooking and traditional writing, she reversed the polarities: since then she got into traditional cooking and creative writing.
She won the “Dumbest Self Marketing in the World” International Award.
Since she hates to show off, she founded the Absentialist Club, of which the publisher, graphic designer and webmaster are full members.
In line with the spirit of the Club, the volumes she has published are obviously absent from the shelves of the major bookstores in the world.
She loves Italian food (well, you can’t always be original…), downtempo/trip-hop music, satire, satyrs (if they existed…) and serious people, those who never take themselves too seriously.
She hates everything that is straitlaced (except for laced coffee), she can’t stand nuisance, especially public nuisance: the term includes TV, social networks, department store’s music, politics, gossip, compulsive stalkers, obsessive whatsappers, mass-producers of fake news, haters, and those who have nothing to say but they say it anyway.